I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize