He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
