just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
