I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
