I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
