Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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