i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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