turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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