Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
