My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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