I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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