Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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