Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
