Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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