I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
