Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
