dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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