I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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