just come out here and I will go home with you...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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