Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
