I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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