Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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