I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
