I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
