My first STD was from a foam party
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
