so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
