I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
being pregnant is like rehab
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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