I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
