Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
