I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
