I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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