I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
