My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
