Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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