He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
