i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
