You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
