I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
