you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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