Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
