It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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