the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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