I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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