i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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