She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
