Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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