But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
