On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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