A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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