Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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