last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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