Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
