I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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