Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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