Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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