We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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