We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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