WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
