You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Mom said you looked used
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
