How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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