There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
